Why did the Buddha teach daughters to rely on their father's blessings and sons on their mother's blessings? What is the true meaning? Are parents and children in this life destined or indebted?
From thousands of years ago, our ancestors had sayings like "a green tree has green leaves, kind parents bring blessings to their children. A father's life of salt, a child's life of thirst" to imply that the future of a child depends on their parents in their family. However, is the deeper meaning as simple as that? How is the karmic connection between parents and children that their blessings are passed down to the next generation, and whether the children in your family are here due to destiny or debt?
Firstly, what does "a daughter's blessings come from her father" mean? According to the belief of our ancestors, a daughter is the lover from a past life of her father, because their relationship was not resolved in the past life. Furthermore, based on the law of opposite attraction, daughters often resemble their fathers, and in the family, they always look up to their fathers and try to emulate them. Most girls, if born into a family with a good father where the parents love and harmonize with each other, tend to want to marry someone like their father.
On the contrary, girls born into families where the father is irresponsible, addicted to alcohol, gambling, philandering, or having extramarital affairs, grow up fearing to marry a man like their father and fear having a life of suffering like their mother. Additionally, when a father lives a virtuous life, the people around, including neighbors, see the girl's family as respectable and well-mannered. A girl raised by honest parents will easily choose a husband with similar virtues. Conversely, if a girl is raised in a family without discipline, she may face criticism or negative judgments in the future.
Because the ancients often said "choose a wife based on her family, choose a husband based on his character," marriage is a significant matter, so it is essential to understand the background and family of the person you will marry. How the parents of that person are is crucial. Scientifically, daughters tend to inherit more dominant genes from their fathers, so if the father has intelligent, handsome, and good-natured genes, the daughter may inherit those outstanding genes. Therefore, it is not a coincidence that our ancestors said "a daughter's blessings come from her father," as both in terms of meaning and science, it holds true.
In daily life, if a father possesses the following three good qualities, his daughter will enjoy the sweetness of a prosperous life.
1. Be careful with your words. In a family, men are known to be loud and expressive, but when faced with life's pressures, they often control their emotions and words. However, our ancestors had a saying "disaster comes from the mouth," indicating the danger of speaking harsh and poisonous words, known as verbal abuse. People live together in this world with love, so do not use words to hurt those around you, especially your wife and children. Therefore, when conflicts arise, if fathers can control themselves and think carefully before speaking, their daughters will also learn valuable lessons and have a stable mindset. As they grow up, they will likely marry men with gentle and successful personalities like their fathers, leading to a happy life.
2. Control your anger. Life's pressures often make fathers lose their temper, sometimes scolding their children. However, at these times, fathers should remember that this invisible anger can harm their children's mental well-being and create distance between them. Especially since daughters have sensitive and vulnerable souls, fathers should learn to control their anger and remain silent when upset. After calming down, they can think rationally and resolve issues most wisely. When fathers can control their anger, their daughters will learn to do the same and see it as a good example to follow, leading to a gentle and peaceful life in the future.
3. Always maintain happiness in the family. In a happy family, parents are the motivation for children to be proud and strive for success. In youth, like a blank sheet of paper, children absorb everything they see and feel in life. In a warm family where the father loves the mother and the mother respects the father, children will grow up obedient and learn to love and respect their parents. It can be seen that a father's love and bond with the family are the keys for daughters to grow up confidently with noble qualities, self-confidence, and lifelong happiness.
Secondly, the meaning of the phrase "a son's blessings come from his mother" also follows the law of opposite attraction, where sons often get along well with their mothers, being pampered and loved by them.
Our ancestors had a saying "blessings come from the mother." A good mother, virtuous, intelligent, and responsible, will raise children who are talented, mature, and outstanding. By observing a woman, one can see the peace and prosperity of the world; by observing a mother, one can see the rise and fall of the family. In every family, the mother is always the strongest support for her children, no matter how grown up they are, they will always be small in their mother's eyes. Therefore, our ancestors believed that the law of karma would affect the mother-child relationship; if the mother lives a good life, she will bring blessings to her children. Furthermore, the idea that sons benefit from their mothers has scientific evidence. Studies have shown a correlation between mothers and sons in terms of appearance and other prominent characteristics, with the most convincing being that sons inherit intelligence genes more from their mothers than their fathers.
According to genetic research, intelligence is carried by the x chromosome, as women have two x chromosomes while men have only one, so a son's intelligence is mainly inherited from his mother. In 1972, scientists believed that intelligence genes were located on the x chromosome, but at that time, genetic explanations were not yet possible, and research was limited, so the conclusions were not convincing.
In recent years, with significant advancements in decoding the human genome, more gene sequences are being discovered and decoded. Scientists have found that at least 40 out of nearly 1,000 protein-encoding genes on the x chromosome are expressed more in the brain than those on the y chromosome. In other words, mothers have a greater influence on a child's cognitive abilities, perception, and intellectual development.
Researchers at the University of Washington have approached to explore the intelligence related to mothers. They interviewed 12,686 people aged 14 to 22, considering various factors from education to ethnicity and socio-economic status. The research team found that the best predictor of a child's intelligence was the mother's IQ. Additionally, researchers at the University of Washington discovered that the emotional relationship between a mother and child is crucial for the development of certain parts of the brain. After analyzing a group of mothers and their children for 7 consecutive years, they found that children who received love and care from their mothers had a 10% better development in intelligence compared to those who did not receive affectionate care from their mothers.
Furthermore, according to researchers at the University of Washington, the emotional relationship between a mother and child is crucial for the development of certain parts of the brain. Here are three things mothers should do to maintain happiness for their children and keep the family warm.
1. Avoid negative speech. "Words cost nothing to buy," everyone knows this, but if a mother wants to be virtuous, she must first learn to control herself, not say hurtful words to others, and not do wrong things. A mother must endure what others say. "Blessings come from the mother" start with words and speech, even when others speak ill of you, do not hold onto hatred towards them. Negative speech will attract bad things, our minds will not be pure, our mouths will not speak kind words, and how can we bring blessings?
2. Control your anger. Life's pressures often make parents lose their temper, sometimes scolding their children. However, at these times, parents should remember the Buddha's teaching that "anger is the most unprofitable business in the world." When we cannot control our anger, the unwanted consequences will befall us. However, parents should always remember that being angry with children invisibly harms them and creates a rift. When angry, parents may say and do unpleasant things, as anger is controlling them, and these harsh words spoken in anger can strain the relationship between parents and children, causing lasting wounds in the children's hearts.
3. Maintain a kind heart. If a mother wants her children to receive blessings for a lifetime, she must always accumulate good deeds. Only through kindness can we avoid mistakes, refrain from doing evil, and find happiness from inner peace. When life is filled with goodness, we will never drown in the pain of resentment. It can be seen that parents have a significant influence on their children's lives; family upbringing and discipline are the most valuable assets of a family, and the legacy that future generations will learn from.
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